Dear 4 year old self: All those days you spent with your mom visiting her mom in the hospital, it was because Grandma Evelyn was getting chemo. Thank you for being a good kid who behaved every day there. You and your mom would drive Grandma Evelyn everyday for over a month to the hospital for her treatments. Every time you walk into Lutheran General Hospital when you are pregnant with your first born, that smell will come back to you and you will think of visiting Grandma Evelyn everyday. You have no idea how many days ahead of you that you will spend in the hospital or appointments with your own child.
Dear 5 year old self: Your parents have a good way of not telling you about all the hardships they are going through. Grandma Evelyn was supposed to come back and live with us on a Friday, but she told your mom that she wanted to spend the weekend in the hospital. Grandma Evelyn knew it was her time and didn’t want you or your mom to go through it. While you played around in her wheelchair at home, just waiting so excitedly for Grandma Evelyn to live with you, your mom received a call that is burned in her memory. You will also remember that call, along with another call you received in January 7, 2011 that will change your life forever.
Dear 6 year old self: When mom told you not to climb the tree, listen to her. When she called for you and you jumped out of the tree to not get in trouble, but landed on your elbow and needed to go to the ER, she knew you disobeyed her. Lesson learned: Listen to your mom, she knows best.
Dear 7 year old self: You are not the Queen Bee! I don’t know why you think you can keep changing the rules during jump rope so that it’s always your turn, but you look like a bully. Give everyone a turn and change the rules to help others. You will be adapting and changing everything to even the paying field for your child.
Dear 8 year old self: Sometimes adults have to coach you through a teachable moment. Mrs. Smith was teaching you a lesson that you will hope and pray other kids will learn for your child. Mrs. Smith asked you to invite Charmaine to eat lunch with you so that all kids were included and had someone to eat with. When you saw her in tears at lunchtime before this moment, now you know why. Lesson learned: Everyone needs a buddy. You have no idea how much this will mean to you when your child gets invited to her first school friend’s birthday party. (Thank you Oliver.)
Dear 10 year old self: Christmas is not about gifts. When you and Joe found all the Christmas gifts then decided to write mom a note saying “These gifts are nice, but we’d really like —– instead” she took away Christmas for the entire family. You never thought she would have it in her to stick to it, but she did. You ran downstairs Christmas morning and saw nothing under the tree. She not only took it away from you two, but your 4 other sisters. She told you all to get changed and get in the car. You spent Christmas at a battered women’s shelter and learned the true meaning of Christmas. You will never forget that moment or that lesson as it was the most important lesson your mom ever taught you. You will also have no problems sticking to your word because your mom was incredible and stuck to hers in order to teach a lesson. Oh and by the way, Kim, Jenni, Joanne and Kristin still haven’t forgiven you and Joe for that Christmas.
Dear 11 year old self: Everybody gets equal playing time. Stop being upset with your dad who coached your basketball team. He pulled you and Bridget out of the games even though they were close games because at this age, everyone should get equal playing time. Stop keeping score. When you have your daughter, you will completely understand how the score doesn’t matter; let everyone play.
Dear 12 year old self: Dad didn’t spend a year traveling to New Jersey for work because he wanted to or because he and mom were having issues. He did that because he needed to work in order to support your family of 6, put you all through Catholic schools and allow your mom to be home with you. Again, your parents are amazing at not exposing their adult stresses to you. You have no idea what sort of stresses you and your family will endure, do not talk about these adult stresses in front of your kids.
Dear 13 year old self: It’s rough being in Junior High. Girls are mean. Stop being mean to each other. Stop playing the “Let’s be mean to one friend for one week.” Guess what, it wasn’t fun when it was your turn to be excluded. Oh and make sure you are friends with everyone your age as all as other ages because when the kids a year older than you graduate, it’s pretty hard.
Dear 15 year old self: Don’t let your mom forge signatures! When you needed to get a physical before basketball try-outs, your mom copied the one from the previous year… including the date! Mr Newton laughed at it and somehow still let you try-out. You CANNOT forge any doctors notes for your child. She will need to see doctors quite often and that information must be accurate.
Dear 16 year old self: You are not cool. Being the first of your friends to get their license, driving around with them in the convertible with the top down, blasting rap music in Wilmette is not cool. Many years later you will be hoping to drive a handicap accessible van and I guarantee will not be blasting rap music, but Ralph’s World instead.
Dear 18 year old self: Stop presenting yourself in an intimidating manner. You are missing out on so many amazing people because they are intimidated by you. On Kairos, a timid girl, Katie, will approach you and thank you for the kind word you gave to her. You ask her why she was so nervous to talk to you. She will say “Because you are Jackie Corrado.” You will ask her what that means and she will explain to you that she’s been intimidated by you since grade school because of the way you walk, talk and act. You haven’t done anything malicious, just the way you carry yourself is not approachable. you will learn that trip that most of the girls there are intimidated by you and this will make you feel so terrible. Thank Katie for opening your eyes to how your present yourself. You became much happier learning about others after this trip.
Dear 18 year old self: Embrace your girl friends. Yes, it’s awesome to have guy friends, but don’t forget about all the wonderful things that only girl friends can provide you. Your guy friends will be there for you through thick and thin and always be willing to kick someone’s ass who upsets you, but your girl friends will be there to cry to, understand everything you are feeling as they will be mothers too and they will understand every single pain you feel when your child is hurting. They will be the ones who come back into your lives after the unthinkable happens to your child and family. The girls will provide you more comfort through messages, kind gestures and virtual hugs than you can even imagine that you will need. Lesson learned: A sisterhood bond cannot be broken.
Dear 20 year old self: We are not immortal. When you landed in Maine, visiting your best friend, you received a call from your brother. He told you that there was an accident in Cancun and that Justin died. You spent your entire Spring Break visit in a ball on the bed crying your eyes out because your friend, someone your age just died. You will hate spring break from that day on and tell all your future students Justin’s story and make them promise to be careful. Every Friday, you will tell your students “Be safe. Make smart choices. I want to see you back here in one piece on Monday.” Life is fragile and death does not care how old you are. These facts will be reinforced every single time you get word that another little girl with Rett syndrome your daughter’s age has passed away.
Dear 21 year old self: I’m so proud of you for studying abroad. Take advantage of these opportunities. You will most likely never get a chance like that ever again to see the world. Next time, don’t go with a long distance boyfriend. It didn’t end well and ruined a bit of your trip. But as always, your mom fixes things with words of wisdom: “No man is worth your tears and the one who is will never make you cry.”
Dear 23 year old self: Hard work pays off. Go above and beyond while student teaching and it will get you a job.
The ELS basketball game is the coolest event of the year at school. This gym is packed cheering for the special needs students. Look at the smiles and happy tears on the proud parents faces, knowing that this is their child’s day. This is a little piece of “normal” for them. Look at all those aides so excited to help their special needs buddies up and down the court. Check out all the adaptations made for basketball. Now pay close attention to the girl in the wheelchair rolling up and down the court with the assistance of an able-bodied student. She pushes the ball off the tray of her wheelchair through a hula hoop and scores a basket for her team. Her family is so proud. You will become a professional in her disorder in 8 years.
Dear 24 year old self: Money doesn’t buy happiness. You work at a very affluent high school, but see so many unhappy kids. They have all the money in the world, but not parental guidance at home. They will tell you so many thing about their personal lives that will make you so happy you are not in high school, but terrified for your children to go to high school. You will learn what cutting is. You will learn how many kids do drugs, come to school drunk, commit suicide. They want so very much for adult guidance.
Dear 25 year old self: Someone looks up to you as an older sister. Keep allowing students to come to you with their problems. Keep sharing difficult time in your life so that they feel comfortable coming to you with difficult times in their lives. You will spend an afternoon emailing back and forth with a student who is at the hospital while her mother is on her death bed. She is emailing you minute by minute updates about her mom’s declining health. She will finally write one last email that her mom just died. As you sob at your desk, you will learn that you can’t fix everything, you can’t take away people’s pain and that the only thing you can do is be there. Nikki will forever hold a special place in your heart as she reminds you so much of yourself. But Nikki will teach you that you are so much stronger than you think you are. And you are! You will not fully understand this until you experience your greatest loss: the loss of a typically developing child. Many students will teach you more than you could possibly teach them. Thank you Nikki, Casey, Lauren, Lucy, Katherine, Tommy and many others. You will hope that your children have someone they can confide in and turn to when they cannot come to you.
Dear 27 year old self: You have no idea how lucky you are to be marrying this man. You have no idea how much he will be your rock. You have no idea what is in store for you two. When you feel like the world is caving in on you, he will tell you that it will be okay. When you feel helpless and hopeless, he will make you believe that she will be okay. When you are afraid your daughter is too fragile to play with the other kids, he will whisk her up and toss her around to show you she can handle it. Your carefree life of traveling, spending money on whatever you want whenever you want will soon end. That money will soon go to endless therapies, co-payments, adapted equipment and research to find a cure for your daughter.
Dear 29 year old self: You were right, you were meant to do something bigger than teach. But you were wrong, it wasn’t to stay at home to raise your kids, something else bigger is in store for you, you will find that out after staying home with your daughter a few months. Cameron is this amazing seemingly perfect little girl who makes you realize just how much your parents love you. She makes you see a new side of Billy and love him more than you thought you could.
Dear 30 year old self: Trust your instincts. You are right Something is wrong with the development of your child. Keep searching for the answer., even though friends, family, and even doctors are telling you that she will catch up. Dear 31 year old self: You need to know you did nothing wrong. You are not a victim. You were meant for something bigger than teaching and being a stay at home mom. You were meant to be Cameron’s mom. You were meant to fight for her. you were meant to take all those lessons you’ve learned and all those past experiences and advocate, fight, and each your daughter how to fight and inspire others. And another child is the best therapy for all of you. Ryan will grow up not knowing life should be any different than having a sister who cannot walk, talk or use her hands. Ryan will save all your lives and bring you so much joy back into your heart.
Dear 32 yer old self: Run so Cammy Can. Push through the pain, forget yourself and take each step thinking about how hard Cammy tried each day, that she would give anything to tai a step all by herself. Many friends will join you in this journey and help you through this 26..2 miles, as they understand the time doesn’t matter, finishing matters. As you physically carry Cammy across the finish line, she will actually have carried you across. This will be the proudest moment of your life. And she will smile, knowing exactly that those 20 weeks of training were for her.
Dear 33 year old self: All the lessons you learned from your mom, family, friends and life experiences have led up to this life. All important lessons you planned to teach your daughter, forget them. Cameron is teaching you more about life that you could ever possibly teach her. Just show her how to be happy, polite and to help & inspire others because the rest is all small stuff.
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