Letter # 18: May 29, 2010 - The search is on for a diagnosis...

My parents, siblings and in-laws have been more supportive and helpful than I could ever have hoped for in the search to find out why my little girl is not progressing.  I know my siblings would joke to my mom "Oh Jackie's at your house, again?"  Well, I needed that support.  I needed that love.  And I needed someone there with all these appointments as I sat there like a deer in headlights, not able to remember everything a doctor said to relay back to my husband.  There are only so many days my Billy can take off work when you start (and continue) to have endless appointments.  My mom has always been there in my life and especially now to provide comfort and make me feel like everything will be okay and that she can make anything better (as she always has).  My dad has always been there to give the impartial advice.  In these appointments he was my barometer of how concerned I should be.  

I decided to put this letter into a video and dedicate it to my parents.  They mean the world to me.  They will celebrate their 45th anniversary on Sept 1.  

I know that they are hurting as much as I am throughout all of this.  I cannot fix this for my daughter and make it all better.  They cannot fix this for their daughter or granddaughter and make it all better.  

*** This is your tissue warning to all those who have asked for one in the past ***

Letter #17: May 11, 2010

May 11, 2010

Dear Cameron,

You are 14 months old!  I can’t believe it. 

This past weekend was Mother’s Day.  You gave a super cute card, which had a picture of you on it.  You gave me a trip to Vegas for June 5^th.  So, you get to stay with grandma and grandpa Babiarz while dad and I go to Vegas.  We cannot wait until you turn 21 and take you there!

We started you in PT about 6 weeks ago to get you moving around.  You still are not crawling or walking, but we hope you’ll be cruising along soon enough.  You are just such a chill baby, you don’t care about moving anywhere. 

I’m so excited that it’ll be summer soon.  You’ll get to play with Anthony and your other cousins a lot more. 

We are so grateful for you.  You always make us smile. 

I love you so much,

Mom 

Letter #16: March 10, 2010

March 10, 2010

Dear Cameron,

HAPPY 1^ST BIRTHDAY!!!!

The year really did go by too quickly.  For the past week, I have been getting all nostalgic.  Dad kept saying “She’s gotta grow up.  She’ll always need you.” 

We made it official at the end of January that I would not be going back to school for the 2010-2011 school year.  I feel so fortunate that I can be home with you.  Who knows how long we’ll be able to afford me staying at home, so we have to take advantage of it while we can. 

I’m so excited that the weather is getting warmer.  I love going for walks with you.  I really love when we pick up daddy from the el and then straight to the park.  I cannot wait until we can go to the pool.  I think you’re really going to like it since you love taking baths so much. 

On your big birthday…

This morning you can a carrot cake muffin.  It is Grandma C’s recipe.  Carrot cake is my favorite cake, so I made you a carrot cake for you tonight. 

Aunt Jenni came over to play with you this morning.

We had music class in the afternoon with Aunt Erin and Olivia.  You seem to really enjoy the class, especially when they bring out the instruments for you to play. 

At night, we had Molly, Bobby, Brad, and Mo over for dinner.  They were excited to spend time with you on your big day.  You dove into the cool whip and seemed to really like it.  Once you got past the cool whip, you really liked the carrot cake.  That made me very happy b/c that’s my favorite cake. 

Right before bed, daddy read you “Birthday Monsters” (it’s his favorite book b/c you gave it to him on his birthday!).  Daddy reads to you every night before bed.  I love watching you 2 read together. 

It was a wonderful day.  You were happy the entire day and night.  You must have been tired from all the partying though b/c you fell fast asleep without a peep! 

Happy birthday, Cameron.  I can’t wait to see what fun this year brings you!

I love you,

Mom

March 6, 2010

March 6, 2010

With four days until her 1st birthday, this is the closest Cammy ever got to crawling. I prayed, wished, pleaded, bribed and hoped she would crawl by her 1st birthday. I truly believed with every ounce of me that Cammy was going to crawl. It's amazing how close I actually thought she was at the time to crawl, but after seeing just how easily is happens with a natural progression with Ryan, I realize she wasn't very close. This is the last time we saw Cammy bear weight through her arms and support herself on her hands. This is the last time we saw her in the 4 point position. What we thought was the beginning of crawling, turned out to be the beginning of the regression.

This is what we call a "GUT PUNCH."

Letter #15: March 2, 2010

March 2, 2010

Dear Cameron,

Today is your cousin, Olivia’s 1^st birthday.  That means in that 8 days, it’s your 1^st birthday.  This year really has flown by!

I’m so glad that I took weekly pictures of you.  It’s been pretty amazing to look back and see how different you looked in each week.  I hope you take that idea for your own kids.

I’m so anxious for the spring.  I really cannot wait for warmer weather.  I think it’s taking its toll on both of us to be stuck indoors every single day.  As soon as it’s nice enough to go for walks, we’ll definitely be outside several hours each day.  I can’t wait for you to start moving around on your own because it’ll be fun to chase you around the park.  It’s going to be fun to see you enjoy more of the park than just the swings and slides. 

We’re going to have 3 mini parties for you birthday.  If we had a big house, we’d probably just do one.  We’re having one on the Corrado side with Grandpa, Papa Joe, Anthony, Aunt Kristin, Uncle Vince, Olivia, Aunt Erin, and Uncle Joe.  We’re celebrating both yours and Olivia’s birthdays.  On your actual birthday, Molly, Bobby, Pete, Brad, and Mo are coming over.  Then, we’re having a party at Grandma and Grandpa B’s house with your Gierstorf cousins, Aunt Meredth and Uncle Paul. I can’t wait to see how you are with the birthday cakes.  You dove right in at Anthony’s party, so I think you’ll dive right in again.

I love you,

Mom

Letter #14: January 19, 2010

January 19, 2010

Dear Cameron-

We found out a few days ago that Aaron and Joy had their baby 15 weeks early.  Emma was supposed to be due April 29 and she was born on January 14.  She weighed 1 pound 8 ounces and 12.25 inches long.  She’s in the intensive care unit.  I couldn’t hold a single thought for a few days, worrying about Emma. 

I felt so awful that I had been complaining that you cannot crawl yet, at 10 months.  Aaron and Joy are at their baby’s side, hoping and praying that she’ll live and live a healthy life.  Dad and I have said several times over the past couple of days how lucky we were to have a good healthy pregnancy.  We really hit the jackpot with you, Cameron.  I am so incredible grateful that you are a healthy baby.  I cannot imagine what Aaron and Joy are going through. 

Cameron, I know I’ve probably said this in every letter, but I can’t believe how quickly this time has flown by.  Dad and I felt it was very important that I stay home with you while you grow up.  I hope you are that fortunate one day to stay home and raise your kids.  If not, I’m sure dad and I would love to help out!  J 

Our 2 bedroom condo at 2352 W. Bloomingdale is quickly filling up.  The hike up 3 floors is getting more and more difficult.  It’s funny that when we bought this place, we thought we could easily have 2 kids in here.  Now I see how hard that would be!  I hope we can move within the next few months.  I would love to live in Park Ridge, to be close to grandma and grandpa.  It’s pretty expensive though.  If it doesn’t work out, it’s okay.  I’d rather not work and stay home with you in this condo than go back to work and put you in daycare. 

You’re catching on to things more and more.  You’re getting much better at waving.  You eat pretty well now.  You love cheese.  If you could eat it for every meal, I think you would!  You’re meal of choice these days is ham and cheese.  

Anthony’s 1^st birthday is coming up in 10 days.  That means that yours is right around the corner. 

I love you so much,

Mom

Letter #13: December 20, 2009

December 20, 2009

Dear Cameron-

You had your 9 month appointment on December 9. 

Your stats:

Height: 28 ½ inches (85^th percentile) – You must get your height from Grandpa B and

                                                               Aunt Stephanie!

Weight: 18 lbs 5 ozs (45^th percentile)

Your fine motor skills are top notch, but you’re a little behind on your gross motor skills.  Most kids are crawling now, but you’re very content not moving.  You don’t crab or cry when you can’t get something, you just put your head down.  Hopefully you’ll be moving within a month.  I guess some kids never crawl though, they just walk. We’ll see.

December 10 was my 30^th birthday and you turned 9 months.  We took a picture together when I held a sign that read “360 months” and you had one that read “9 months.”  It was my favorite part of the day.  I used to hate my birthday, but I wasn’t dreading this one.  I always wanted to be at a certain point in my life when I turned 30.  Now that I have you and dad, I have exactly what I wanted, so I didn’t dread turning 30.

  

I am enjoying being a mother the older you get.  Although I know there will be a time when I wish you weren’t growing up J  You are just so much more curious and your personality shows more and more. 

Dad took you to see Santa at Nordstrom’s downtown with your cousins Caden, Linden, and Addy.  He said you cried the whole time waiting in line, but once he put you in Santa’s lap, you were smiling.  I wish I saw that in person, but he took some great pictures. 

You don’t like to eat solid food.  One of the only things that you’ll eat is cottage cheese, which is something that both dad and I think it disgusting.  You absolutely adore Elmo.  We listen to Sesame Street songs in the car and you babble along with them.  Dad I can sings along to them, especially the “Whappa Whappa” song. 

I can’t wait to see your reaction on your first Christmas. 

I love you,

Mom

Letter #12: November 10, 2009

November 10, 2009

Dear Cameron-

You are 8 months old today.  I feel so fortunate that I can stay home with you.  This time is flying by and I couldn’t imagine missing any of it.

  

You were a little monkey for Halloween.  Grandma B. made you the costume and it was amazing.  We are so lucky that she is so skilled to make you sweaters, hats, and costumes.  You’ll get to choose your costumes and she’ll be excited to make them each year.  Halloween is my favorite holiday and I hope you will like it as much as me.  Dad and I took you trick or treating, but only to mommy’s friend, Mo’s house.  She was so excited to give you your first piece of candy.  

You are sitting up very well now.  When you lay down and I hold your hand up, you are able to pull yourself up, like a sit up.  We are still working on crawling, hopefully you sill soon be cruising around.  You laugh so much now with the heartiest laugh.  You babble a lot too.  You only have 2 teeth, but you’re drooling a lot, so we think the top 2 are coming in.  

I love you, Cameron-

Mom